'Cause She Said I Wouldn't

Seven Things to Do Before I Die:

1. Go to Australia
2. Win a Grammy
3. Make a movie
4. Write a book
5. Travel to all 50 states
6. Own a house with a wrap around porch
7. Get married and have some kids

Seven Things I Cannot Do:

1. Backflips
2. Fly a plane
3. Play drums
4. Speak Japanese
5. Sleep
6. Get to work on time
7. Save money

Seven Things that Attract Me to My Spouse [romantic interest, best friend, whomever](not necessarily in this order!):

1. Her smile
2. Her patience
3. Her willingness to fly across the country to see me
4. Her sense of humor
5. The way I feel when she's around
6. How she is strong where I am weak
7. How she is weak where I am strong

Seven Things I Say (or write!) Most Often:

1. "This is what I'm saying!"
2. "She's moving here soon..."
3. "What the frick?"
4. "You're an idiot."
5. "You're a moron."
6. "You're a dumbass."
7. "Yes, Virginia, I am the best musician you know."

Seven Books I Love:

1. Wobegon Boy by Garrison Keillor
2. Blue Like Jazz by Don Miller
3. Couplehood by Paul Reiser
4. Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris
5. Prayer and the Art of Volkswagen Maintenance by Don Miller
6. Wind, Sand, and Stars by Antoine de Saint Expury
7. Ragamuffin Gospel by Brennan Manning

Seven Movies I Would Watch Over and Over Again:

1. About a Boy
2. Swingers
3. Lost in Translation
4. The Royal Tenenbaums
5. Amelie
6. You've Got Mail
7. Sabrina

Church Marketing Sucks: Part 1

It's true. From pamphlets to bulletins to posters, soccer moms using Microsoft Word and its native clip art have been committing font and layout crimes all over the country. To them and their churches I exclaim the following:

- No one likes Comic Sans Serif. It might make a kitschy comeback like moon boots and Tab cola, but I highly doubt it. There are tons of good, free fonts on the web, find them.

- Find that twenty-something in your church that knows Photoshop like the back of his hand and buy them a nice DSLR in exchange for some printwork. You'll be amazed at the results. Write up a contract if it makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

- Re: clip art. Rarely is it good. I've yet to see anything native to Word or online that looked good and was worth using. There are lots of good vector illustrations online for purchase cheap. But don't overuse it. Photography can be very effective when it comes to conveying a message in your print piece, hence the recommendation above.

- Stop pandering to thirty-somethings. While yuppies are often the bread and butter when it comes to tithing, teens and twenty-somethings will probably do more for you in the long run with word of mouth and underground campaigns. The biggest companies in the world spend billions of dollars studying them, and for good reason. They can prove invaluable to any entity in ways that are admittedly hard to measure, mostly do to their energy and excitement and lack of responsibility. The downside is that they are often fickle and struggle with staying brand-loyal, so you have to adapt constantly.

To be continued...

So I think I'm going to get back to blogging. Stay tuned.